I'm in college. I got pregnant under rape that happened under the influence. I was supposed to be drinking with my friends but I ended up being sexually assaulted. I didn't even remember by who, but I only found out that I was pregnant in the past week. I knew I might not be ready. I mean, I know that's not something you're supposed to think, but how can I raise a baby in a dorm with three other roommates that might judge me for getting pregnant as a freshman. But i didn't even get to decide. My rapist(s) (i dont know if they raped me as a team) were part of an alt-right group and wanted to have fun torturing an ethnic minority but didn't want to bother with actually having a child with one. So they caught me off guard and two of them held me down as the third performed a literal coat hanger abortion on me. They crved a swastika into my stomach afterwards. In the days that followed, I went to a protest where i saw them taunting activists in the march. I was exhausted. I'm still picking out blood and I eventually passed the fetus. I wanted to cry when i did. I dont even know if there'sanyone out there that can sympathize with me, but i want my baby so bad right now. I wouldnt even consider getting an abortion if i had the chance. I stop every time i see anything that reminds me of babies. I just want my baby back.