Today is 3 weeks...3 weeks since my rouiten 12 week check up. 3 weeks ago i was just 2 hours away from finding out... i had gone in we talked everythin g was ok then time for a quick doppler of the heart beat...she could not find one ...i asked if i should start to panic yet..she laughed said no sometimes they cant hear it so we will go have a sono... i went in the tech started probing..i didnt hear anything... my dr came in without knocking... looked at the screen and turned it to me...she pointed out here is the sac the uterus and the baby.... your 12 weeks...but the baby is measuring 7...and there is no heart beat. My world shattered..and though it seems rediculas to me now..i asked her...so..the baby is gone?... no in fact it was not gone because. There on the screen was my small little baby... so much potental...not gone...but..dead..my dr nodded and pulled me to her... i dont remember much after that... i got dressed they got my husband and kids from the car..they said things... options...then we were escorted out the back...i cried so much. Of course not wanting to belive...that wednsday i was taken to the hospital for a D&C. Though i had started spotting a few hours before we went...i thought maybe my body had waited till my mind knew... after we got there i was supposed to be the first seen... but...i wanted a mirical so bad i asked for a last sono to just be sure.... it was confirmed the baby was not alive... i held the container afterwards...heavier then i imagend it would be...had it sent off for testing to see maybe if there was any answers...and to know the gender... nothing in my life has ever prapared me for this grief...i choke up for no reason some times and tears start to fall...some nights i cant sleep...i cant stop thinking of my baby...i catch myself..often resting my hand on the little bit of pregnancy tummy i still have or stroking it...i cringe ctch my breath or tear up when i see pregnant woman in stores...ifeel confused and lost more then not..and it seems to me most of my loved ones dont really understand..my husband cant really either... he admits he was not connected to the baby like i was he didnt carry it...he was worried about another baby and money..and as a couple we have not been doing well for a while...but...it makes it so much harder...to feel like your tryimg to cope and your misunderstood or dont have a very good support system when you should..so i found..here.