I was first diagnosed with Endometriosis when I was 17 in high school but i have had the symptoms since i was 15. It was such a shock to find out what this was doing to my body and that I could have trouble having any children of my own. I finally found a guy who i was happy with and about 6 months into the relationship i sat him down and talked to him explaining about my condition, i could not have asked for a better partner, he was initially shocked to find out that we may never have kids but he was so supportive and it bought us together, a few months down the track i started feeling really sick and knew something was up, I am very in tune with my body due to the endometriosis and after a while took a pregnancy test and to my surprise it was positive...I called matt and he was just as shocked, we were both very young and didn't know how to react but decided that we didn't want to take the chance just in case this was our only chance, we changed our future plans such as travelling overseas to accommodate this massive responsibility that we were about to undertake and decided to tell my mother so we have someone to help us out in the early days...over the course of about 6 weeks i was constantly in hospital but no one could tell me what was wrong, 'its just normal pregnancy pains' i was continually told, but i knew something was up, this was confirmed when i went to my first ultrasound and they couldn't find anything, i waited for another few weeks and more trips to the hospital for another ultrasound, i had to go by myself as matt was working and my mum had other commitments...i knew something was wrong but just needed someone to confirm it, all the time i was just hoping this wouldn't be taken away from me. As soon as my doctor explained it to me i was in tears, i called matt and he immediately dropped everything and came to my side, three days later i was in hospital to undergo surgery to remove all evidence of my happiness.
Now, two months on i am still having the same nightmares. what if i cant hold a pregnancy? what if my endometriosis gets worse and then i cant even get pregnant? my partner has been completely understanding but is starting to not be able to understand why im still so sad all the time, he knows that it is still affecting me but is not sure how to help, which means we no longer talk about it. I don't want to keep pulling him down with me when i get upset...but what if my thoughts are true? For years now i never thought i would get pregnant and i was starting to get used to the idea of other methods but now i cant think of any other way i want to become a mum, i felt amazing when i wasn't in hospital and finally thought things were going well....now i do not know where to turn or what to do