Hi Shelley,

I am so sorry that your baby died, and that you are in so much pain right now - *HUGS* to you.

Your story is so very similiar to mine, in so many ways...

Like yours, my pregnancy was also very unexpected, and my boyfriend was supportive, although after I lost it he said he was a little relieved because of financial strain. I went through the same thing with the spotting, probably around the same time as you, but I had one successful ultrasound, only to miscarry later on that week.

I am still amazed at how insensitive people are in regards to miscarriages, even those in the medical profession. The only reason I was admitted to the hospital during my miscarriage was because I was in so much pain. I think I was admitted around 10 or 11 p.m., but didn't actually pass the baby until 4 in the morning. It was sooo painful; they finally gave me some strong pain medication after I almost passed out walking back from the bathroom. It was horrible, and I am so sorry that you are experiencing it now.

I know exactly what you mean about wanting to get pregnant again - it has been almost 8 years, and I still feel that getting pregnant would 'fix' all of it. I know it wouldn't replace the baby I lost, but it would fill the hole. We are still waiting, only because he almost has his masters degree and I only have three semesters left to get my bachelors. I know how hard it is to feel like you have to wait, to not know if or when you will ever be pregnant again.

I am here for you if you ever want to talk; use this board as freely as you like - and your posts are never too long! If you get a chance, check out the Stages of Grief page on the home site at http://www.angelfire.com/emo/miscarriage/stages.htm to read something I wrote about dealing with the loss of a baby, and if you scroll to the bottom of that page, click on the link called "coping with your loss" to read some things that I have found helpful while dealing with the miscarriage.

I am so sorry that you are in so much pain and anguish, but I can tell you from personal experience that it does get easier with time, but it does take time.

Please email me if you ever want to talk: sadangel777@hotmail.com

Peace and Love to you,

Bonnie