I know how you feel. My two boys are 14 & 10 and my husband & I had decided our family was complete as well. When I found out last month that I was around 10 weeks pregnant, I was in shock and denial for a couple of weeks. But I finally started to come around two weeks ago and was so excited to welcome another member into our family. I, too, was secretly hoping for a chance at a girl.
Sunday I started spotting and didn't really think much of it until Monday when it started to get slightly heavier. I had a doctor's appointment and was devistated when the heartbeat could not be found with the ultrasound.
I'm struggling with so many emotions. I know all the doctors and nurses say there's nothing I did to cause it, but I still can't help feeling like it's my fault. Maybe had I accepted the news right away, this would not have happened.
I'm trying to figure out what the lesson to be learned is, but I'm having a very hard time finding it.