Wow! I absolutely can relate to everything you wrote. My miscarriage was Jan 24th.

I miscarried my baby at almost 12 weeks. It was our third and I am so blessed to have two wonderful little boys. My husband and I went back and forth about a third. Finally, he agreed (or at least didn't disagree) and it just happened. After we found out he so excited. It took us some time to imagine life with five of us and then, just when we did...BAM it happened. I also had a weird feeling going for my 12 week appt, even though at 8 weeks I saw baby and all was fine. There I was at the appt, and I heard the dreaded words..."I'm so sorry, there's no heartbeat." My dnc was the next day.

I feel like I've been through every emotion possible - mostly sadness. But I also have the same question for God - "why, if we were sitting on the fence about another baby, did you push us this way if I was going to lose the baby anyways?" If it was so hard to decide before, how will I ever decide now?" I too, want that same guarantee that everything will be fine if we do try again. I wonder was God telling me to leave it alone and move on with the great family I have. I just keep looking for an answer and not finding one.

I know this happened to us for a reason, but I think I'll heal faster if I knew what it was.

So, I don't think I can help you or answer any questions, but I can relate! I think the only thing we can do is take it one day at a time, heal a little each day, realize their will be ups and downs and hopefully the questions will be answered soon.