Sandy and Jessica,

I cannot thank you both enough for sharing your feelings and experiences in such an honest way. Just hearing that what I am thinking and feeling isn't abnormal is so comforting. I shared your replies with my husband last night and he was so relieved to hear that I joined this group. He feels like I am "in good hands" with people that can help me heal. Words cannot express how much I appreciate you two. It makes me realize that there are so many good people in this world. This is what makes the Internet so wonderful.

I am a Pilates instructor, so I have been pouring myself into my workouts to keep me occupied. I also try to run a lot of errands and have been cooking a lot. Haha. We have a 1 1/2 year old chocolate lab named Marley who is my "child" for now and she has been such a source of support despite the fact that she probably has no clue. I took her to the park yesterday. It was one of the rare beautiful days in Chicago. All the moms were out with their kids at the park. I started to get a little pang in my heart, but just stuffed it back down. I realized that that is what I do to cope. I start to get sad and stuff the emotions back down like a kleenex back in the box. It's like I don't know how to let it out. I need to work on that.

My husband and I want to give ourselves two full periods before we start trying again, which will be in mid-June. Did you two begin trying again? I keep reading about these women who have had 2+ miscarriages and that freaks me out. I don't know if I can handle more than one. Also, I fear that when I do get pregnant again, I will be so freaked out that I will miscarry again that I a) won't enjoy the pregnancy as I should b) won't bond with my baby for fear that he/she won't be viable. Any advice?

Thanks again.

Trish