Hi Trish. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I could relate to so much of what you wrote, so hopefully this will help you to know you are really not alone. My husband and I have been trying for three years for our second. We found out in November that we were finally pregnant. We told the world and everyone was so excited for us. Then, on December 4, we found out that the baby had no heartbeat. Part of me wished that we hadn't told everyone because dealing with the attempts to comfort was at times unbearable. I have always been a forgiving person, but I struggled the most with people who I thought I was close to who didn't respond the way I wanted them to. It has been 4.5 months since my miscarriage and some days I feel fine and then there are the other days when I still dread getting out of bed. I am surrounded by pregnant women. There are three in my neighborhood and I have a couple of other pregnant friends. It is tough to be happy for them no matter how hard I try. I could also relate when you talked about your house. We moved into our four bedroom house three years ago and it kills me that we still only use two of those rooms. We had a crib set up in one of the rooms until just last month. Part of my coping included getting rid of my daughter's clothes that I was holding just in case and taking down the crib. I have turned that room into a study/scrapbooking room. I just couldn't look at the crib any longer.

Like Sandy said, this will get better with time, but it will take longer than you think. Allow yourself to really grieve and try to find at least one person who can understand and grieve with you. My husband is also a fix-it guy, so it is hard for me to be completely honest with him about my emotional struggles. Instead, I have turned to running as an escape. The gym became my sanctuary for the first couple of months after my miscarriage. Just know that there will be ups and downs for a while, but you will get through it.

Jessica